Four weeks ago, today, the doctor put little Angelica on my chest for the first time. We were finally meeting our special little girl after 9 long months awaiting her arrival. The past four weeks have been the hardest, saddest weeks of my life as well as the happiest and most wonderful. I miss Angelica so much, but I know that she will be part of our family again someday and I am grateful for the five days we got to spend with her in this life.
Maybe the most important lesson I learned from this experience is that Heavenly Father is watching over us and listening to our prayers. This has been very clear since the first ultrasound when we found out that our daughter had severe abnormalities. Although we didn't have any answers at that point, we knew that the baby we were expecting was going to be a very special baby. We were obviously confused, sad and worried. But as I said my prayers that night, I felt peace and knew that Heavenly Father was watching over us and everything would work out for our good.
And it has. Heavenly Father has been there for us, answering our prayers and strengthening us when we needed it. I prayed so hard that Angelica would survive the birth and that we would be able to meet our little girl, if for only a few minutes. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father not only answered our prayers, but gave us five days of precious time with our daughter. He didn’t cure our baby; that was not part of his plan for our family. But he strengthened us and brought us peace. Our experience reminds me of a scripture in the Book of Mormon: “And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.”
It would have been a lot easier if the Lord had simply healed our baby. But if Heavenly Father always answered our prayers in the easiest way, we wouldn’t learn all the lessons that we were sent to Earth to learn. He didn’t heal Angelica, but he strengthened us so that we could bear the burden. And although we were not always cheerful and patient, I was amazed at how much joy and happiness we felt during this experience.
I am grateful for our belief in a God that can turn a tragedy into a tender learning experience. And I am grateful for the knowledge that this good-bye is only temporary and we will have our daughter again with us someday.
10 comments:
I loved reading this. Candice, you are amazing. I'm not just saying that either. Seriously, I don't know how you do it. You've always been positive though, which is how you got through this. I loved seeing these pictures that I've never seen! By the way, I hate the fact that you will probably live in NH your whole life and I'll never see you again!
You guys are such a strong family and such a good example of strength to all of us. Those are precious pictures. I love the one of both sets of grandparents looking over Angelica.
Beautiful Candice.
How weird...I thought I left a comment the day you posted...it must not have published. That same day I read in the BoM in Mosiah...and I loved that it said that they would stand as witnesses of God...and I felt so strongly that you are that witness Fielding! The Lord loves you so much! Thank you for the light that you are! Beautiful in every way!!!
Candice, you are an amazing, beautiful woman, and I am so glad and thankful that you got five days with your precious Angelica. God is keeping her safe and warm until you meet her again.
My prayers are with you and your family.
This was beautifully written, especially since what I read rang true to me. I know, too, that Heavenly Father is constantly working in our lives. I hope things get easier for you guys and I love you.
This experience not only touched your life, but it touched many of ours too. Thanks for sharing your experience with Angelca with us. It strengthened us too. Love you.
Sandy
QUE HERMOSAS TUS PALABRAS;SE SIENTE UN ESPIRITU MUY ESPECIAL AL LEERLAS Y SIGO ASINTIENDO QUE SOS UNA EXCELENTE PERSONA, MUJER, ESPOSA Y MAMA. QUE BENDICION PARA TODOS LOS QUE HEMOS COMPARTIDO CON VOS ALGUNA ETAPA DE NUESTRAS VIDAS. SOS UNA GRAN PERSONA Y SEGURAMENTE TU ESPOSO TAMBIEN LO ES. SE SIN DUDA ALGUNA DE QUE ESTARAN EN LA EXALTACION COMO UNA HERMOSA FAMILIA ETERNA. SON UN GRAN EJEMPLO DE VALOR Y FORTALEZA PARA NOSOTROS. TE QUIERO MUCHO.
Candice, I was on Cianna's blog and saw a link to your blog. What an amazing story, my love goes out to you and your cute family.
Love, Brita Bigler Peterson
candice, how did you grow up on me?? i just came across this blog today. my mom thought she had told me about this....but she didn't. with eight kids i don't think she remembers who she tells what to. what a beautiful angel you had! I love that she was buried next to Arianne. I still think about her a lot. I think that little baby is having quite a good time with her aunt now. Arianne was ALWAYS doing something crazy and fun. i have such funny memories! How she got me to sleep way out in the back yard by the garden and wake up to sprinklers going off. How we tried to read a chapter in the book of mormon so your mom would give us a candy bar, how we cleaned out the cow trough to swim in it (gross) and tipped it on its side to wash it and then dropped it on my foot and my toenail fell off. She was so brave and so fun, and i have sooo many great memories. I still picture you as her baby sister, and you're a mom!!! i hope you are doing well going through all this, im sure you felt very close to heaven with that baby girl!
(kathrynkellyjohnston@gmail)
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